My daughter

I've been fighting the urge to write about the event and person who has defined the last six months of my life in order to carve out my own space, my cave behind the waterfall, where I can retreat to think about black and white things in shades of grey instead of the technicolor rainbow that has descended like a baby blanket over my world.

The ground shaking event of her arrival influences everything from philosophical and existential questio y k df zzzzz QaszZ` 1 Q (that's her banging on the keyboard) to the most simple thoughts I've had these months. To say she dominates my thoughts, my time, my universe, is a huge understatement.



I'm still wrapping my mind around the fact that there's someone new in my life who lives with me, who is intimately related to me, and who keeps me from the deep kind of sleep I used to take for granted. I know the thing about sleep is what everyone talks about, but its true...I've been carrying around a deep tiredness that feels like the pilot has taken his hands off the wheel, switched on the autopilot and is watching a movie in the main cabin. But somehow, the plane stays on course.

Life has many more steps in it all of a sudden, 10 steps to getting out the door, 10 steps to going to sleep...10 steps to her bed at 7am when she wakes up hungry.

I just put her in bed, tucked her in, walked away thinking 'have i done it right? Done what right? Exactly.'. Concern sneaks in like a thief in the night, a vague concern that goes with not knowing whether concern is called for.

I hear her voice everywhere, in every sound that vaguely sounds like her.

I have a daughter.

Today she was upset and yelled, Muuuuumaaaahhh.